讨人厌的我？

Don't know since when I have a thought in my mind

Am I a person who make people disgust when they think about me?

I used to be a friendly person for those who know well about me

Even a person who first met me will say 

I am a person who is nice to talk with

But...

recently

I started to think

am I still a nice person to them?

Don't know why

maybe I am too sensitive or It is true that my classmate started to leave me away

they seems like have nothing to talk with me

sometimes when I am in the gang

I seems like is the one who is out of gang

they play

fooling around

but they will not play with me

and even worst they said they have pressure to be with me

they can;t really joke or play with me

or maybe I should say they don't dare to do so

they said I am too serious

well

maybe yes

I am serious in my study

I can't blame them 

because the time I spent with them were my study time

I have to pay attention in my study

so maybe it is true that I really serious

but it doesn't mean that I am a person where my life just filled with study stuff

I do like many things 

I am also a crazy person in front of my good friends

maybe it is just my problem that

I really can't release the true self in front of them

or maybe our relationship is not that deep yet

really sorry if you all started to hate me because I am too serious

I have not much friends in my university

is kinda sad to hear that when some one ask you:"are you alone?where is your friend?"

this kind of question is the most frequent question that I heard recently

I just smile and act nothing

what should I answer
some of them will even give me a pity look
some of them may think that I am a person who love to stay alone
am I pity for being alone

all my good friend are in other stream

two of them who same stream with me have their new groups of friends

all of them have their gang
many friends
they talk
laugh
play
there is no space for me to be in their gang

I am the only one who is always alone

Is my problem?

am I that disgust?

that everyone don't want to make friends with me?

am I too cool?

or fierce??

I really gonna figure out where is the problem

孤寂

是你的选择

还是

是你被人讨厌的证明？